Rangeman's List
by aydinbydin
Summary: Ranger thought these problems would have gone away when he left the military. He should have known better.


Disclaimer: Yeah, I own none of the guys listed. Skippy's List is referenced for some of these, simply because they were too good. It was also the inspiration.

Many thanks to my co-author chofitia for helping me with this fic. =) Couldn't have done it without you!

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><p>It started out simply enough. As Carlos Manoso started hiring employees for his offices, he started a list when employees would ask questions or do things that hadn't been planned on. As time went by, more and more items were added to the list. Occasionally Ranger will wonder what, exactly, he did to deserve this. Of course, that was all before a curly-headed woman from Jersey came and turned his world upside-down. Once that happened, it just got worse for Rangeman. Every year an updated copy of the list is sent out to every office, after the yearly modifications have been reviewed and the resulting hangovers were taken care of.<p>

Things Rangeman employees are not allowed to do.

01. Rangeman employees are not allowed to watch television while on duty. - Ranger

02. The boss is "Ricardo Carlos Manoso" or "Ranger", not "Sugar Daddy" - Tank

- Tank is not to be referred to as "Mother".

- Neither is Ranger "Dad".

03. Rangeman employees are not allowed to threaten people with black magic. - Tank

- Even if your religion says it's okay to do so. - Tank

04. Rangeman employees are not to teach others to say offensive or crude things in Spanish, French, Japanese, Arabic, any Chinese dialects, or Mikasuki under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases. - Ranger

- This applies to any foreign language. - Tank

05. "Skyclad" is not an option for the Rangeman uniform. Not even in Miami. - Ranger

- Neither are pants optional. - Ranger

06. Company vehicles are not to be used to play bumper cars. - Ranger

- Nor may you 'accidently' run over FTAs. - Tank

07. Using Rangeman resources to "waterproof" dirty magazines is resourceful, but not allowed. - Lester

08. God may not contradict any of Ranger's orders. Ever. - Ranger

- Neither can God contradict Tank's orders. - Ranger

09. Employees are not allowed to let sock puppets take over shifts for them. - Tank

- Not even if the sock is so dirty it has all but gained sentience. We have a housekeeper, this should not happen. - Ranger

10. Don't use cadence phrases that you would be ashamed to say in front of your mother/sister/sainted grandmother. - Bobby

11. Ranger is not old enough to have fought in the Vietnam War, employees should not imply that he did. - Tank

- He didn't fight in either of the World Wars. Next time someone implies that, mat time will be involved. - Ranger

12. Lester Santos is not the "psychological warfare weapon of mass destruction". -Bobby

13. "You can't prove a thing!" is NOT an acceptable subject line for an email. Odds are that we can, especially when given such blatant incentive. - Ranger

14. Sudoku is not on the list of approved hand-to-hand techniques for field work. - Tank

- Nor can you bring it for surveillance work. - Ranger

- Just leave it at home guys. - Lester

15. Employees are not allowed to drink green food dye before their annual physical. - Lester

- Or red food dye. - Lester

- Drinking any food dye in any quantity is not allowed. - Ranger

16. Employees are not allowed to give or receive lap-dances from women while on duty. - Ranger

- Giving or receiving lap dances from "a really hot guy" is not allowed, either. - Ranger

- Lap dances from any gender are prohibited while on duty. - Tank

17. Insulting the housekeeper's cooking is reason enough for mat time every morning for a month. - Lester

18. Employees are not allowed to refer to the seventh floor as "stately Wayne Manor". - Ranger

19. Employees are not allowed to appeal to Ranger's baser instincts dealing with Stephanie Plum when asking for a raise. - Tank

20. Watching reruns of _Dog the Bounty Hunter _does not count as research. - Ranger


End file.
